blogsecret:
A year and a half ago, I started a “reasons to kill myself” and a “reasons to stay alive” list. I spent a few months on it, and I ended up with 342 reasons to kill myself, and 21 reasons to stay alive. In the last year and a half, only 19 of those 21 reasons have gone away. I don’t talk to anybody anymore. Nobody wants to talk to me. I turn my cell phone on silent, and look at it maybe twice a week — usually, I haven’t missed anything. Most of the time, I’m so excited to see I’ve gotten a call or a text message — most of the time, it’s spam. The last time I hung out with a friend was February 25th. I haven’t been on stage in two and a half years. I haven’t been involved with a production in almost two years. I am 21 years old. I have never been loved, dated, kissed, touched, or desired by anybody. The one person I called my best friend, I haven’t spoken to in over a year. She doesn’t miss me. She and her boyfriend are happy. She’s moving up north this summer. (I know this because I’ve taken to skulking on her facebook and tumblr — that’s how I found this blog!)
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